Shitters and Other Pent-up Anger

So, it's been like weeks since I last wrote. Well, that's probaly due to the fact that my life is swirling out of control. Seriously, and I'm not even addicted to drugs or anything. I'm feeling like I'm screwed to get into university which is the only place I can see myself being in a year except in a crazy house.

I can't wait to leave my house. Like holy shit! My parents will hopefully forget I exist (except for on holidays) and I won't ever talk to them. Tonight I'm really pissed at them. Like really pissed. My mom asked me if I think that's it's weird that I'm tired all the time, and I'm like what? So I reply: "It's probably because I get up early all the time." At this point, my ass-faced stepdad slinks out of the dark corner and says: "You think that 7:15 is late? Blah, blah, I'm an ass-face, blah, blah...." So I'm like I'll just give him the satisfaction of thinking he won, by this I mean I did not respond and then I came downstairs to write nasty things about him on my blog. (see all you people that think I have no idea how lucky I am to even have a family that cares about me, I gave him the satisfaction)

So anyways, I figure anyone who gets up around 7:00 am-7:10 am on weekdays and gets up every weekend at 6:20 am to go to work, gets up pretty early. We're talking 7 day work weeks here. As if getting up early isn't enough, I don't just get up to do nothing you know, I go to school and I go to work at fucking Tim Horton's. (please note that we don't actually do anything at Tim Horton's, nope, we just sit on our asses and pick our noses) So yeah, if anything is making sense, it will be this sentence: Tim Horton's is hard motherfucking work. Ok? Got that? I work for 8 hours and then come home only to find a list of chores that I'm expected to do, aswell as my homework I might add.

Sometimes I really feel like housework is more important to my parents than schoolwork. Like seriously, for example, I spent all of my PA day on friday doing housework. I needed to do homework but I somehow it just isn't as important as doing the dishes, laundry, cleaning the fishtank, putting up the Xmas tree (because apparently it's hard!?), and the list goes on, all day.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. How am I going to get into university if my marks suck? They suck because I don't study and I don't study because my family is completely psycotic. I hope that they're secretly upset when I don't call them to talk about how my first day at Kenora Community College was.

I'm just so emotionaly drained. I think the Xmas break will either help me to mellow out or kill me. Right now, I'm having a hard time imagining myself having to pretend to care that my family exists. It's horrible I know but I really feel like they don't care I exist. They have to take care of me just enough so that Child Services can't take me away but while I'm still here they might aswell exploit me for all I'm worth. I'm not a chore machine! And I'm really not cut out for living with people who all have very serious problems. I need some normality. I know everyones family had their problems but mine is over flowing with them.

I'm not even mad anymore.

This is getting too personal.

ciao.gemo